when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
