My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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