turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Holy sore nipples Batman
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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