Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
