Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...

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(818): View more from California

I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.

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(650): View more from California

I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now

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(210): View more from Texas

Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.

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(216): View more from Ohio

Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working

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(937): View more from Ohio

It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar

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(518): View more from New York

He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard

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(302): View more from Delaware

Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?

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