you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
