I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Randomize