Ambien. No doubt about it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
