walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
