You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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