Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
