Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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