Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
