I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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