just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
