someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
