ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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