I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
