Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
