Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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