that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You made out with two different species that night
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
