Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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