Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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