GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
