in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
