It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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