My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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