I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
