she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
