youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
