508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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