I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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