i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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