So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
