Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
