youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
