Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
