her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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