The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
