Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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