she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
