She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
