there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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