Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
