okay pat passed out under dana's car
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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