everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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