On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just high enough for therapy.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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