You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
