Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
