I love black thongs
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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