I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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