these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
