I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
