i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Who died my cat blue again?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
