I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
