Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
