Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
