im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Quick, to the slutcave!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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