remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
