Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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