Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
