Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
