Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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