he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
