The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
