Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
