I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize