i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
