i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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