I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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