he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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