Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
