Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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