I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
