DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The power of my boobs compel you
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
