okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he's gonorrhea incarnate
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
