she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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