I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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