She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
