I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
