I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
