Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
