i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
