ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
