I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
