Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
