Non-Jews are for practice
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
