I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
