Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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