My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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