lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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