well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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